Courier news -

Scientists Discover Heaviest Element known to mankind! -

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Did You Know that…

• for vans, the accident rate was down from 42 per 100 million vehicle-km in 1997 to 21 per 100mvkm in 2007, a decrease of a staggering 49%
• since 1830, there have been 34 separate Acts of Parliament applicable specifically to goods vehicle operations but they re still secondary to the Common Law as the basis of the law concerning carriage of goods and passengers
• there were 25 fatal accidents, 64 serious accidents and 259 slight accidents on Britain’s roads last year in which a driver using a mobile phone was recorded as a contributory factor despite the ban since 01 December 2003
• the total value of UK exports increased by 12.9% between 2007 and 2008, according to the latest figures from HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)
• at the latest tally, the logistics sector counts for 2.3 million employees in 196,000 companies?